A Defense of Tamlin

*Spoilers for the ACOTAR series*

When I first picked up A Court of Thorns and Roses I fell in love with the development of Feyre and Tamlin’s relationship. It was romantic, heroic, sexy at times, and whimsical in the way I wanted a story about faeries to be. However, for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why audiences online hated Tamlin, argued he needed a redemption arc, called him an abuser, etc. Even more, I was very confused about the love for Rhysand.

Rhysand? The evil High Lord of the Night Court who has a reputation for the last five hundred of years of being cruel? The one conspiring and in bed (literally) with the evil Amarantha? The one who helped murder the Winter Court children and who can also scramble minds? The one who twisted Feyre’s broke arm while she was dying and forced her to make a fae bargain for her (whatever the hell that means)? The one who drugged and assaulted Feyre Under the Mountain and made her dance in scandalous clothes till she was literally sick? The one who tattooed the Big Brother eye on her palm to watch everything she does?

Oh okay, I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page…

I am not arguing that Feyre should have chosen Tamlin. She didn’t love him anymore (very suddenly, I might add). Falling out of love is a great reason to decide not to marry someone. With that being said, the extreme hatred of him by a majority of the fandom is wild to me. He is known as “Tampon” online which, if you ask me, is actually very insulting and stigmatizing to women, but whatever.

And look, I’ve heard the arguments online. He was an abuser because he blew up the room in a fit of rage! He sold the sisters out to Hybern! He took Feyre into Prythian upon a lie! He wouldn’t make Feyre High Lady!

To be fair, I can’t excuse all the “bad” things that happened with Tamlin. However, I can defend each point. I will argue here, also, that “excusing” and “defending” could be two distinct things. I could say that something is objectively bad while acknowledging the reasons behind the event.

1. Yes, he blew up the room and it was bad. However, I would argue he was having some sort of panic attack. Even he admitted he didn’t know how to control his powers or his emotions. And unlike some other characters in the series, he didn’t have an entire friend group to help him heal. In fact, he sent most of his friends over the Wall to help break Amarantha’s curse. He had no one left except Lucien.
2. Let’s get one thing straight: it was not Tamlin and Lucien who sold Elain and Nesta out to Hybern. It was actually Ianthe. In fact, Tamlin pleads with Hybern to stop before the sisters are thrown into the Cauldron. Ianthe was a nightmare and maybe Tamlin should have not been so trusting of her, but even Feyre was her friend in the beginning of A Court of Mist and Fury.
3. Well, yes: Tamlin did take Feyre into Pythian upon a lie. And frankly, I think this is the worst thing he’s done. It’s unethical to abduct anyone for any reason, let alone a lie. However, he was trying to free all of Prythian. Oddly enough, I don’t see this argument very often from the Feysand crowd, despite it probably being the strongest argument against Tamlin.
4. The High Lady situation… where do I even begin? Feyre didn’t even want the title. Tamlin was acting on tradition. Rhysand broke tradition in “making” Feyre High Lady, and it’s a title that doesn’t even hold weight. The Inner Circle still holds meetings without her (ACOSF), they all hide the dangerous pregnancy from her, and even Azriel essentially looks for Rhysand’s nod when Feyre gives him an order. If you ask me, I think Rhysand made Feyre High Lady to get under Tamlin’s skin.

All the Good

Did Tamlin make mistakes? Yes, like everyone else in the series. I really do think, though, it was all because he loved Feyre so much. Everyone says that they want a man who will burn the world down to get them back and Tamlin did just that and everyone hates him for it.

Putting all of that aside, what about the objectively good things Tamlin did?

1. He gave the Archerons money to rebuild their lives. The Archerons were living in complete squalor and couldn’t even afford food. He gave them riches beyond belief so that Feyre didn’t have to worry about her family. They were able to purchase an entire manor house, Papa Archeron restarted his business, and they were finally back in high society. All of this was because of Tamlin.
2. He saved Elain and Feyre after sneaking into Hybern’s camp. Tamlin was a double agent for Hybern and despite needing to be under cover, he helped get the women out of the camp. This could have cost him his own life.
3. Lastly, he helped bring Rhysand back to life! Despite being Rhysand’s enemy who stole the love of his life, he simply says, “Be happy, Feyre,” and helps bring him back to life with all the other High Lords. He could have easily said no and turned away. But again, all he truly wanted was Feyre’s happiness, even if it cost him his own.

I could (and probably will) make a whole post about why Rhysand is actually incredibly problematic and abusive. I will argue until I’m blue in the face that Rhysand is worse than Tamlin by a long shot. And again, I don’t think that Feyre should have chosen Tamlin. Any reason at all is a good one to not marry someone. I just think the hatred of Tamlin online is absurd and I genuinely do not understand it at all.

In fact, my confusion about Tamlin’s hatred is really what sucked me into BookTok. It’s bewildering to me!

So, what do you think about Tamlin?